) I have done a LOT of reading on ADHD and am working on my symptoms.
My husband has not done much reading, but thinks he is an authority, and that he understands me....
And the people around them get the fallout - collateral damage. Knowing he has it made it easier to forgive some of this stuff, but at a certain point, when they deny diagnosis and treatment and just continue to abuse (and even threaten) you - you just have to get them out of your life.
Your story is a sad one, and your partner is clearly not meeting your needs (or his own, it seems).
To his shock, I even completely stopped taking care of him medically during his recent bout of painful diverticulitis, which he brought on himself by ignoring his diet (again.) Just DONE.
I thank god I figured this all out and didn't neglect myself; I stayed in shape, stayed working, stayed informed, tried to keep my outside friendships and interests up... But I investigated everything and tried everything to help him/us, gave him every opportunity: from ADD books and Cognitive Behavior therapy, going to therapy myself (I'd already had extensive therapy, really great CBT); checking in with my response (there became NO "correct" way to interact with him - it became complete eggshell territory - he'd go off on a dime - I called it Dr. resisting "taking care" of/enabling him; turning him on to a subsidized therapist to see on his own (after couples therapy failed due to his complete lying/manipulation); meds - which he liked, but only used them to help him cram for every new band he joined, so he could learn songs and play when he was (surprise) sleep-deprived from cramming his daily schedule and cat-napping in front of the TV, or with headphone glued to his head...
Many of us grew up with Paul Simon’s song, but what about ways NOT to leave your lover? It’s worth taking the time to make this list…and I encourage you all to add your ideas! I take medication, eat a good diet when possible, as well as supplemebts. Considering the chaos of our own individual lives, adding more people to the mix only multiplies both work and chaos.
Our marriages are vastly more likely to end in costly & traumatic divorce; it is an institution we are not meant for.
It sounds as if you have enough trouble organizing your life that you've decided that staying single is a good idea for you. However, to extrapolate from your own solution (stay single) to the broader ADHD population is a mistake.
After 7 years of marriage, I just found out about my husband's ADD. Instead, talked us over while trying to suggest nicely, yelled, and said about my amateur psychology study, since I am not an expert. I'm in the process of giving up, what is the use of hoping if none in his part to be better, done hearing his " I'll try to be better.